Machete Kills (R)
14/03/14 21:19 Filed in: 2013
Starring: Danny Trejo
October 2013
This review was originally tweeted in Real-time from the back row of a movie theater and appears @BackRoweReviews. Though efforts were made to tease rather than ruin this movie’s memorable lines and moments, some spoilers may exist in the following evaluation. The original tweets appear in black, while follow-up comments appear in red. For concerns over objectionable content, please first refer to one of the many parental movie guide websites. All ratings are based on a four star system. Happy reading!
Spilled is probably a better usage of the word.
70s style “prevue” is a hoot.
Three different armies in as many minutes. The bloodbath begins.
This initial bloodletting, which comes even before the first evidences of a plot have coalesced, clues us into the fact that everything else in the movie will take a back seat to the action sequences.
Mr. Machete Goes to Washington.
“Machete don’t smoke.” Ha!
Machete don’t tweet either. Fortunately I do.
However, these “Machete don’t ____” gags are getting tired at this point.
Helicopter homicide is disgusting.
And utterly unrealistic.
Mexican standoff in a Mexican restaurant ends with a bang.
OMG! Vergara’s body part weapons are...words fail.
Molecule blaster is gross, but humorous.
The Star Wars and Star Trek allusions are becoming intolerable.
The ending gets extremely gimmicky and borrows heavily from a plethora of genre movies.
Final analysis: bloodier and more outlandish than the original, if possible.
Rating: 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Will this film earn enough money to justify the promised sequel? Voz knows.
This movie is a profound disappointment. The first film was also a bloodbath, but it was amusing and had more than its share of heartfelt chuckles. Here, the laughs are strained and far too many of them are accompanied by eye rolls. Rodriguez’ first Machete (2010) allowed us to experience the lighter side of a splatter-fest; the slayings were so elaborate, so frequent and so graphic that they bordered on the comedic. In this sequel, far too many of the action scenes are gross or gratuitous and lack the degree of levity that made the first film such a guilty pleasure. As for the supporting players, Sofia Vergara is way over-the-top and Mel Gibson’s villainous Voz is just strange—even by Mel’s standards. Hopefully Rodriguez will right the ship for Machete Kills Again.